R A N D O M B L O G

I’ve been working for 4 months now. First two months was training for our production, third month was for our parallel run and currently our live operations.

This is my first job as I just graduated last year, May 2017. To be honest, it’s hard to find a job since you’re a fresh graduate with no work experience at all. It took me about 5 to 6 job application from several companies before a company finally accepted me. At some point, I lost hope thinking that maybe the problem is in me. I assessed myself every single end of the job interview. It’s frustrating because I know I can do it. It’s just that I’m not confident on how I speak or communicate in English. Yes, speaking English is my weakness especially when it’s on the spot. I tend to stutter so much when talking, even in my mother tongue. I don’t know what’s happening but I guess I tend to overthink a lot. So many thoughts every time I try to converse with people.

I don’t know. I’m tired thinking right now. I’m gonna end this nonsense blog. It’s just some random thoughts. Haven’t updated this blog tho. Well, I guess no one is reading my posts so I don’t mind making this on public.

Have a nice day guys!

Internship Thoughts

Pressured. Tired. Unmotivated.

Three words that probably describes my current situation right now.

I am having an internship in Makati and so far, I am enjoying it.

However..

You know, that feeling when you are being optimistic and having a positive vibes in the morning but when you start to work, everything seems to be crowded. Does that make sense? I don’t know.

Lately, my mind is having a lot of thoughts when I’m walking until I reached the building where I am having an internship.

“Do I still have a  purpose there?” “Is this really what I want?” “I want to stop now but..”

As a person who is in the field of Information Technology, there are a lot of pressure going on. Why? Because they expect that being an IT, you should know all about computers and especially the code stuff. But then, that doesn’t limit the fact that you should only focus in coding. Information Technology is very wide. But, in order for you to know the branches of IT, you should of course, study.

When my  classmates are doing their job and I’m the only one who doesn’t know what to do, because I am silent and doesn’t talk that much, I started to feel down to myself. I feel like I’m being apart from them and less competent. I feel like I am small based on the words they’re saying, although I not sure if that was meant for me.

But you know, as they say that you should keep moving forward. This is just start of facing a lot of challenges in life. I just need to show courage and be brave to conquer those difficult situations that can lead to a successful future.

I bet no one would ever read this so, I’m just gonna leave it here.

Love,

Johnny

P.S. I think I want a new career path. I’ll just wait for the right moment and time.